This hilarious video demonstrates the perils of voice recognition. And I have an Irish friend who has “trained” his computer to use voice recognition – undoubtedly a security asset as nobody else will be able to use his system.
But there are also dangers involved in simple language text translation, as the following illustrates.
As Emeritus Professor at the University of Paris, I occasionally lunch at the cafeteria there. Before going, I check the online menu. This particular Friday, when there is usually fish, the French language menu was out of order, but they directed users to the translated, English version. The fish option read “Net of Place”. Well, that sounds right. “Net” is certainly a fishy sort of term for a menu, redolent of a catch at sea; and “place” is certainly a flatfish. But wait a minute; surely the fish is spelt “plaice”; and whatever their faults, computers do NOT make spelling mistakes.
Intrigued, I set out for the restaurant, to check what exactly was on the menu. It turned out that the fish option was “filet de lieu”. Now, the French word “filet” means fillet or net; and the poor computer had chosen the wrong option. Similarly, “lieu” is French for “place” or the fish “coley”, similar to cod, but “fillet of coley” was really not to my taste.
So I departed, a wiser, if hungrier, man.
Showing posts with label French. Show all posts
Showing posts with label French. Show all posts
Thursday, 16 September 2010
Thursday, 28 January 2010
Karsenty and the Mohammed Al Dura Affair
 Camera image |
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 Mali Monument |  Al Dura Billboard |
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I attended an interesting presentation in the House of Commons yesterday (27 January 2010) by Philippe Karsenty on the Mohammed Al Dura Affair, a subject on which he has expended much energy since the original incident about a decade ago. Recall that the 12-year-old was apparently shot on 30th September 2000, while sheltering behind his father, as a result of exchanges of fire between Israelis and Palestinians during the Second Intifida. This incident has become iconic in the Islamic world, with many states issuing postage stamps commemorating it on billboards, naming streets as well as erecting statues, etc. The incident was originally reported by Charles Enderlin, a respected French-Israeli reporter, who was not present at the scene but added the commentary on the basis of footage supplied by his Gazan cameraman, Talal Abu Rahma. It should be noted that Enderlin is a journalist for France 2, the French national TV station.
Karsenty’s exposure of the incident as a staged hoax led to his losing a case in a French court following Enderlin’s writ for libel on December 9, 2004, followed by a writ from France 2 on December 3, 2005. This decision was overturned on May 21, 2008, and an Appeal by France 2 to the French Supreme Court (Court de Cassation) is currently being heard. There is a detailed account of this controversy here, while Ha’aretz has a summary, and there is an excellent account by Camera.
All of this is, of course, well known. But what intrigued me is the seeming reluctance of many Israelis and Israel-sympathizers, and prominent Jews such as Frenchman Jacques Attali, to support Karsenty or pursue the perpetrators of such an obviously staged event. Some light was thrown on this reluctance by Karsenty himself. Given the weakening of US-Israel relations since Obama’s presidency, and the outright anti-Israel hostility of much of Europe, spearheaded by the UK, it seems futile to antagonize the one possible new ally of Sarkozy’s France, which has just awarded Enderlin the Legion d’Honneur.
Makes sense!
All of this is, of course, well known. But what intrigued me is the seeming reluctance of many Israelis and Israel-sympathizers, and prominent Jews such as Frenchman Jacques Attali, to support Karsenty or pursue the perpetrators of such an obviously staged event. Some light was thrown on this reluctance by Karsenty himself. Given the weakening of US-Israel relations since Obama’s presidency, and the outright anti-Israel hostility of much of Europe, spearheaded by the UK, it seems futile to antagonize the one possible new ally of Sarkozy’s France, which has just awarded Enderlin the Legion d’Honneur.
Makes sense!
Monday, 16 March 2009
Bad News from France (??)
One of the hazards of the Electronic Age is the easy propagation of viruses – and more insidiously – of hoaxes. The latter art form has become so prevalent that, as the virus disables your computer, so the hoax email disables one’s ability to trust the content of anything on the web, without undergoing a stringent and time-consuming confirmation procedure. Perhaps this latter is not without its benefits, as of course as far as the print media are concerned one has long since learned not to accept anything on trust.
One hoax-virus which circulates incessantly, seemingly from the United States, is entitled “Bad news from France” (sometimes adding “Real Bad News?”)
This HOAX has been circulating since at least 2002 - when there were serious (but not anti-Jewish) riots in France, but probably before that, since some of the events it details date from much earlier. I have been receiving it for some time and have responded on several occasions. Usually a boycott of French goods is proposed .
The French Bad News Hoax was reported as "current news" by Arutz Sheva in 2005 but when their reporter asked a French Jewish community representative about the accuracy of such "reports" they write
Manek Weintraub, a leader in the Representative Council of the Jewish Institutions of France (CRIF) told the British website TotallyJewish.com, "So far nothing has happened. There was a Molotov cocktail that seems to have been hurled at a small synagogue but nobody really knows about it. It [the riots] will concern the public authorities but Jews are largely absent from the story, which is welcome."
Several attacks worldwide - including France- were reported against Jewish targets in 2002 (this year appears to be a peak for such incidents when some events apparently related to those of the hoax email may have happened) reflecting events in the Middle East and largely instigated by Muslims: the following events appear verbatim in a 2002 Blog
In Lyon, a car was rammed into a synagogue and set on fire.
In Montpellier, the Jewish religious center was firebombed
Jewish sports club in Toulouse attacked
In Bondy, 15 men beat up members of a Jewish football team
A gunman opened fire on a kosher butcher's shop (and, of course, the butcher) in Toulouse, France.
A Jewish school was broken into and vandalized in Sarcelles, France.
and so date from at least pre-2002.
But how far do you go back? During World War II there were of course much worse events to report - but this hoax purports to report current events. If you add all the anti-Semitic attacks in any one country over a long enough period you would come up with a horrific catalogue - but France has been extremely good in recent times both at living up to its WWII past, and also for its robust actions against Islamic extremists - unlike, say, the UK or Scandinavian countries.
Arguably one of the most anti-Semitic states in the West today, on a numerical basis, is the United States. Universities all over the US are centres of Jew-baiting and anti-Zionist activity. Charges against Jews are made by "academics" (Walt, Mearsheimer) , even an ex-president (Carter), culminating with the recent near-appointment of Charles Freeman to the Obama administration. Nobody of Jewish origin has ever been or ever could be head of State in the US, unlike France where President Sarkozy loudly proclaimed his Jewish origins before his election – and France has already had one fully-Jewish President (Alexandre Millerand) and several Jewish Prime Ministers. In the United States, for example, Madeleine Albright was confirmed as the 64th Secretary of State, but had concealed the fact that she was Jewish in order to obtain this office (although as a historian she should have known her origins and had stayed with her sister – an Orthodox Jew).
However, as far as I can ascertain, nobody is circulating “Bad news from the U.S.” nor advocating a boycott of American goods.
One hoax-virus which circulates incessantly, seemingly from the United States, is entitled “Bad news from France” (sometimes adding “Real Bad News?”)
This HOAX has been circulating since at least 2002 - when there were serious (but not anti-Jewish) riots in France, but probably before that, since some of the events it details date from much earlier. I have been receiving it for some time and have responded on several occasions. Usually a boycott of French goods is proposed .
The French Bad News Hoax was reported as "current news" by Arutz Sheva in 2005 but when their reporter asked a French Jewish community representative about the accuracy of such "reports" they write
Manek Weintraub, a leader in the Representative Council of the Jewish Institutions of France (CRIF) told the British website TotallyJewish.com, "So far nothing has happened. There was a Molotov cocktail that seems to have been hurled at a small synagogue but nobody really knows about it. It [the riots] will concern the public authorities but Jews are largely absent from the story, which is welcome."
Several attacks worldwide - including France- were reported against Jewish targets in 2002 (this year appears to be a peak for such incidents when some events apparently related to those of the hoax email may have happened) reflecting events in the Middle East and largely instigated by Muslims: the following events appear verbatim in a 2002 Blog
In Lyon, a car was rammed into a synagogue and set on fire.
In Montpellier, the Jewish religious center was firebombed
Jewish sports club in Toulouse attacked
In Bondy, 15 men beat up members of a Jewish football team
A gunman opened fire on a kosher butcher's shop (and, of course, the butcher) in Toulouse, France.
A Jewish school was broken into and vandalized in Sarcelles, France.
and so date from at least pre-2002.
But how far do you go back? During World War II there were of course much worse events to report - but this hoax purports to report current events. If you add all the anti-Semitic attacks in any one country over a long enough period you would come up with a horrific catalogue - but France has been extremely good in recent times both at living up to its WWII past, and also for its robust actions against Islamic extremists - unlike, say, the UK or Scandinavian countries.
Arguably one of the most anti-Semitic states in the West today, on a numerical basis, is the United States. Universities all over the US are centres of Jew-baiting and anti-Zionist activity. Charges against Jews are made by "academics" (Walt, Mearsheimer) , even an ex-president (Carter), culminating with the recent near-appointment of Charles Freeman to the Obama administration. Nobody of Jewish origin has ever been or ever could be head of State in the US, unlike France where President Sarkozy loudly proclaimed his Jewish origins before his election – and France has already had one fully-Jewish President (Alexandre Millerand) and several Jewish Prime Ministers. In the United States, for example, Madeleine Albright was confirmed as the 64th Secretary of State, but had concealed the fact that she was Jewish in order to obtain this office (although as a historian she should have known her origins and had stayed with her sister – an Orthodox Jew).
However, as far as I can ascertain, nobody is circulating “Bad news from the U.S.” nor advocating a boycott of American goods.
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
Diplomats and fonctionnaires
Apparently Rowan Laxton, a senior diplomat at the Foreign Office, has just been arrested for inciting anti-religious hatred. He is alleged to have screamed in a gym
‘F**king Israelis, f**king Jews’. It is alleged he also said Israeli soldiers should be ‘wiped off the face of the earth’. His rant reportedly continued even after he was approached by other gym users.
For more details see Melanie Phillips’ blog.
But one wonders why this man has not yet been sacked from his government job. Civil servants are supposed not to express even rather mild political or other opinions, as their job traditionally requires complete neutrality.
About a year ago, the French media reported that the Sub-Prefect of Saintes (Charente-Maritime) , a certain Monsieur Bruno Guigue, was dismissed from office by the French Minister of the Interior, Michèle Alliot-Marie. His offence? He “criticized, without subtlety, the US and Israel” in an internet publication destined for French-speaking Muslims, a diatribe characterized as being “violently anti-Israeli”.
This is of course not as vile as the anti-Semitic rant of Mr Laxton.
Why is our government so slow to react against civil servants who are racists or, more specifically, anti-Semites? What would the reaction have been had the rant been anti-Islamic?
‘F**king Israelis, f**king Jews’. It is alleged he also said Israeli soldiers should be ‘wiped off the face of the earth’. His rant reportedly continued even after he was approached by other gym users.
For more details see Melanie Phillips’ blog.
But one wonders why this man has not yet been sacked from his government job. Civil servants are supposed not to express even rather mild political or other opinions, as their job traditionally requires complete neutrality.
About a year ago, the French media reported that the Sub-Prefect of Saintes (Charente-Maritime) , a certain Monsieur Bruno Guigue, was dismissed from office by the French Minister of the Interior, Michèle Alliot-Marie. His offence? He “criticized, without subtlety, the US and Israel” in an internet publication destined for French-speaking Muslims, a diatribe characterized as being “violently anti-Israeli”.
This is of course not as vile as the anti-Semitic rant of Mr Laxton.
Why is our government so slow to react against civil servants who are racists or, more specifically, anti-Semites? What would the reaction have been had the rant been anti-Islamic?
Monday, 24 March 2008
Mayors and Maires
What is the most striking difference between the UK and France these days, at least on the level of Middle Eastern policies? Consider the following two reflections on national/local policies and politics.
Mayor Ken Livingstone of London looks likely to be re-elected to office yet again, with the support of the UK labour government, in spite of - or perhaps because of - being accused of anti-Semitism on more than one occasion (he told two Iraqi Jewish businessmen to "go back to Iran and try their luck with the ayatollah" and proffered a Nazi insult to a Jewish reporter). He has been officially cleared of anti-Semitism, but even he would not apologize for his virulent anti-Israel stance. (Of course, according to the European Union’s
Draft Definition of Anti-Semitism, this is indeed equivalent to being anti-Semitic.)
What would have happened in France? We do not need to speculate. As reported in the French Press (Le Parisien, Figaro, etc) of today (24 March 2008) and national TV media, the Sub Prefect (Sous Prefet -something like a Deputy Mayor) Bruno Guigue of Saintes (Charente-Maritime) has been dismissed from office by the French Minister of the Interior, Michèle Alliot-Marie. His offence? He “criticized, without subtlety, the US and Israel” in an internet publication destined for French-speaking Muslims, a diatribe characterized as being “violently anti-Israeli”.
What about Freedom of Speech ? The concept of Freedom of Speech does not extend to the Nazi-like filth that is currently evidenced all over the Arab world and, unhappily, extending in more nuanced form to the British media. Voltaire’s dictum that “I disapprove of your views, but would fight to the death for your right to express them“ must be contextualized by Judge Oliver Wendell Holmes’ injunction “not to falsely cry fire in a crowded theatre”. We are all living in a crowded theatre of global conflict , and inflammatory views such as that of Bruno Guigue, must be firmly stamped upon.
The UK – please note.
Mayor Ken Livingstone of London looks likely to be re-elected to office yet again, with the support of the UK labour government, in spite of - or perhaps because of - being accused of anti-Semitism on more than one occasion (he told two Iraqi Jewish businessmen to "go back to Iran and try their luck with the ayatollah" and proffered a Nazi insult to a Jewish reporter). He has been officially cleared of anti-Semitism, but even he would not apologize for his virulent anti-Israel stance. (Of course, according to the European Union’s
Draft Definition of Anti-Semitism, this is indeed equivalent to being anti-Semitic.)
What would have happened in France? We do not need to speculate. As reported in the French Press (Le Parisien, Figaro, etc) of today (24 March 2008) and national TV media, the Sub Prefect (Sous Prefet -something like a Deputy Mayor) Bruno Guigue of Saintes (Charente-Maritime) has been dismissed from office by the French Minister of the Interior, Michèle Alliot-Marie. His offence? He “criticized, without subtlety, the US and Israel” in an internet publication destined for French-speaking Muslims, a diatribe characterized as being “violently anti-Israeli”.
What about Freedom of Speech ? The concept of Freedom of Speech does not extend to the Nazi-like filth that is currently evidenced all over the Arab world and, unhappily, extending in more nuanced form to the British media. Voltaire’s dictum that “I disapprove of your views, but would fight to the death for your right to express them“ must be contextualized by Judge Oliver Wendell Holmes’ injunction “not to falsely cry fire in a crowded theatre”. We are all living in a crowded theatre of global conflict , and inflammatory views such as that of Bruno Guigue, must be firmly stamped upon.
The UK – please note.
Tuesday, 11 March 2008
Spring is in the Air?
Like all love stories, that between Israel and France has had its ups and downs. Perhaps the nadir was when , after the 1967 Six-Day War, Le Grand General , echoing God, called the Jews a stiff-necked people ("le peuple juif, sûr de lui meme et dominateur" ) - or perhaps De Gaulle thought that God was only echoing him.
Prior to that, France, as Israel's main arms supplier and early provider of its nuclear facilities, could claim to be Israel's greatest friend. After the De Gaulle reversal the tilt towards the Arab nations caused something of a refroidissement in relations between the two countries, which continued somewhat unabated until the end of the Chirac presidency.
Comes Sarkozy, and Spring seems to be in the air as far as this particular romance is concerned. Significantly, the first Head of State to be invited on a presidential visit to the Elysée is Israel's Shimon Peres. French TV currently abounds with such Jewish luvvies as singers Patrick Bruel and Enrico Macias supping with the presidents. Peres himself was categorical “No country has aided Israel as much as France.” And this year's Paris International Book Fair has Israel as its Guest of Honour, greeting the inevitable Arab boycott of the event with a Gallic shrug.
Like all relationships, there is always the danger of spurned lovers lurking in the background. The amount of hate-mail directed at France emanating from certain American Jewish sources continues to be disturbing. And like all irrationalities, this cannot be quelled by facts.
Let us hope that this particular affair is more than a springtime romance, and heralds a new era of entente cordiale between two mature and consenting adult democracies.
Prior to that, France, as Israel's main arms supplier and early provider of its nuclear facilities, could claim to be Israel's greatest friend. After the De Gaulle reversal the tilt towards the Arab nations caused something of a refroidissement in relations between the two countries, which continued somewhat unabated until the end of the Chirac presidency.
Comes Sarkozy, and Spring seems to be in the air as far as this particular romance is concerned. Significantly, the first Head of State to be invited on a presidential visit to the Elysée is Israel's Shimon Peres. French TV currently abounds with such Jewish luvvies as singers Patrick Bruel and Enrico Macias supping with the presidents. Peres himself was categorical “No country has aided Israel as much as France.” And this year's Paris International Book Fair has Israel as its Guest of Honour, greeting the inevitable Arab boycott of the event with a Gallic shrug.
Like all relationships, there is always the danger of spurned lovers lurking in the background. The amount of hate-mail directed at France emanating from certain American Jewish sources continues to be disturbing. And like all irrationalities, this cannot be quelled by facts.
Let us hope that this particular affair is more than a springtime romance, and heralds a new era of entente cordiale between two mature and consenting adult democracies.
Sunday, 10 February 2008
French Letter 2
Speaking the Language
Just as one has difficulty in imagining how a blind man perceives colours, I have no conception of how my carefully articulated French sounds to French ears. This does not prevent me, however, from finding the average Frenchman’s attempts at English excruciatingly hilarious. What is even funnier, is the French idea of what English usage must be – this consists in adding ‘ing’ to every possible noun. Thus we have Le Parking, Le Pressing, Le Shopping, etc. I presume that a Frenchman imagines an English conversation to run as follows.
“Where have you left the car, dear.?”
“Oh, I left it in the local Parking”.
And the English are just as bad. I recall that a now-deceased semi-literate politician thought that he was being most urbane by agreeing that he had been “economical with the actualité” meaning, I suppose he thought, economical with the truth. Except that “les actualités” means “the News” in French – and so a correct translation would not have got him into such hot water. This is reminiscent of what we used to call “faux amis” – false friends – in school: the same word in both languages having subtly – and sometimes not so subtly – different meanings. I remember an interview on UK television with a famous French film director – possibly Renoir –and of course the question came up,” Who is your favourite British or American actor? “ Ah, bien sur, zat Jimmy Stewart; he is the fantastique comedian.” Somewhat nonplussed, the interviewer persisted – “Well, yes, but I would not describe him that way?
Outraged, the Famous Director cried” But of course, he is the Grand Comedian!”
Well, in English I suppose we would refer to, say, Ronnie Barker, as a ‘grand comedian’, meaning a very funny comic; but in French this just means a great actor.
So when you buy your ticket for the “Comédie Francaise”, do not expect to fall off your seat with laughter.
Following the Rules
The French have a written constitution; the English do not. This marks an important difference between the ways both nations view their lives and governance. In England we more or less know what we are expected to do, without having a book of rules thrust at us; while the Frenchman expects a strict codification to govern everything he does. Thus, the Englishman is bemused by the list of priorities for reserved seating in the metro; in descending order, – ‘War wounded, blind civilians, pregnant women’- depending on just how pregnant, this last leading to many unrepeatable jokes. The first French phrase every Englishman must learn is “Vous n’avez pas le droit”. “You do not have the right.” This sentence, innocuous in English, will give any overbearing French functionary pause for thought, as he desperately mentally consults the codes governing the particular path of conduct he is about to embark on. As an impoverished student in Paris in the Sixties, when France was fighting the Algerian uprising, and terrorism was rampant in the streets, I decided one morning to fill a suitcase with my dirty laundry and go to the cleaners. On the way, I passed the American Library, and on a whim went in to consult a book. The sight of a scruffy young man carrying a suitcase into a US building was enough to throw everyone into a panic. A burly French guard approached me and demanded to open my suitcase. Disturbed about airing my dirty linen in public, I used the magic phrase: “Vous n’avez pas le droit!”. After a hurried consultation, I was allowed to proceed unhindered.
The ‘Trottoirs’
While pavements in England are for pedestrians, and in the US for cars, in France they are for both. And certainly they are a bonus for motorcyclists on their ‘motos’, who will leave the highway at any sign of a slow-down, to continue on the footpath, unheedful of any danger to those pedestrians foolhardy enough to assume that they are the sole proprietors of the ‘trottoir’. But the king of the ‘trottoir’ is the dog. The French have no scruples about allowing their canine companions to use the trottoir as a vast linear lavatory. No shamefaced scurrying to the side of the road here; our French poodle will proudly fulfill his ‘devoirs’ in the middle of the footpath as and when the moment arrives. Thus, as one walks along this great city, the beauty of Paris must give way to the more urgent task of carefully scrutinizing the pavement lest one returns home with an unwelcome reminder of ones sightseeing perambulation.
The French and BSE
Nothing illustrates better the difference between the British and the French than their attitude to the BSE crisis. Of course, both peoples are united in not believing a word that passes their respective government’s lips, but the French government’s approach was rather more subtle. In the UK, our masters started off by assuring everyone that all meat was perfectly safe, even force-feeding their protesting daughters with hamburgers on television to ram home the point. Naturally this induced an immediate panic on the part of the British, with nobody wanting to go near a piece of meat, and a resultant crisis in the livestock industry. Having learnt their lesson, the government adopted the cunning stance of actually banning beef on the bone; at which point, of course, everyone went on a meat-eating rampage, with flamboyant beef-on-bone parties hosted by various royals. The beef industry was saved.
At the start of their BSE crisis, the French government, on the other hand, announced that not only was all meat absolutely lethal, but this applied to salmon and poultry too. Thus reassured, the Frenchman continued to consume his biftek and frites as before with a clear conscience, and nobody was the worse off.
A new form of transport..
The eccentric multimillionaire inventor Dean Kamen is reported to be about to reveal a revolutionary new form of individual transport, which is reckoned to be the greatest innovation since Clive Sinclair’s C5 of the eighties.
Well, I reckon I am ahead of him there. In Paris I have discovered a form of transport which is non-polluting, does not depend on the vagaries of the bus or the metro, is not affected by leaves on the rails, and utterly disregards traffic congestion. Furthermore, it is instantly available, and there are no parking problems at the end of the journey, and it is only slightly weather-sensitive. The cost is minimal; shoes have to be repaired or purchased at regular intervals. I refer of course to the oldest means of transport of all, walking.
Paris is a city whose beauty can only be appreciated on foot. The Seine and its bridges, Notre Dame and its gargoyles, the street markets, the parks. The list is endless, and all within walking distance, unlike London, whose periphérique – the M25 – has a circumference which is itself half the distance between London and Paris.
Paris is a city which, like Manhattan, it is still possible to traverse on foot from North to South, or from East to West. Walking, the most reliable form of transport. I’m thinking of taking out a patent.
The French and Health
It is said that a Frenchman travels with two suitcases, one for his clothes and the second for his medicines. Factually the national spend on prescription drugs is very high in France; it remains to be proved that the Frenchman is healthier for it, although he is, to a man, a card-carrying hypochondriac.
The French Health Service regularly invites every French adult to attend a full check-up. As I never turn down anything free, I went along. It turned out to be dramatically exhaustive; ECG, chest x-ray, Blood Pressure, vision, hearing, teeth, a thorough top-to-toe oscultation. And that was only the first day. A further visit is devoted to tests necessitating a period of preparation before various bodily fluids are extracted. Before I turned up, I filled in a questionnaire in which I gave myself 8/10 for fitness - well, I thought 9/10 would sound like boasting. By the end of the first day (teeth bad, eyes bad, ears bad,.....) I felt that 3/10 would have been an over-optimistic appraisal.
The French Medical system has turned me from a happy ignoramus into an unhappy if wiser man. But still no healthier.
Just as one has difficulty in imagining how a blind man perceives colours, I have no conception of how my carefully articulated French sounds to French ears. This does not prevent me, however, from finding the average Frenchman’s attempts at English excruciatingly hilarious. What is even funnier, is the French idea of what English usage must be – this consists in adding ‘ing’ to every possible noun. Thus we have Le Parking, Le Pressing, Le Shopping, etc. I presume that a Frenchman imagines an English conversation to run as follows.
“Where have you left the car, dear.?”
“Oh, I left it in the local Parking”.
And the English are just as bad. I recall that a now-deceased semi-literate politician thought that he was being most urbane by agreeing that he had been “economical with the actualité” meaning, I suppose he thought, economical with the truth. Except that “les actualités” means “the News” in French – and so a correct translation would not have got him into such hot water. This is reminiscent of what we used to call “faux amis” – false friends – in school: the same word in both languages having subtly – and sometimes not so subtly – different meanings. I remember an interview on UK television with a famous French film director – possibly Renoir –and of course the question came up,” Who is your favourite British or American actor? “ Ah, bien sur, zat Jimmy Stewart; he is the fantastique comedian.” Somewhat nonplussed, the interviewer persisted – “Well, yes, but I would not describe him that way?
Outraged, the Famous Director cried” But of course, he is the Grand Comedian!”
Well, in English I suppose we would refer to, say, Ronnie Barker, as a ‘grand comedian’, meaning a very funny comic; but in French this just means a great actor.
So when you buy your ticket for the “Comédie Francaise”, do not expect to fall off your seat with laughter.
Following the Rules
The French have a written constitution; the English do not. This marks an important difference between the ways both nations view their lives and governance. In England we more or less know what we are expected to do, without having a book of rules thrust at us; while the Frenchman expects a strict codification to govern everything he does. Thus, the Englishman is bemused by the list of priorities for reserved seating in the metro; in descending order, – ‘War wounded, blind civilians, pregnant women’- depending on just how pregnant, this last leading to many unrepeatable jokes. The first French phrase every Englishman must learn is “Vous n’avez pas le droit”. “You do not have the right.” This sentence, innocuous in English, will give any overbearing French functionary pause for thought, as he desperately mentally consults the codes governing the particular path of conduct he is about to embark on. As an impoverished student in Paris in the Sixties, when France was fighting the Algerian uprising, and terrorism was rampant in the streets, I decided one morning to fill a suitcase with my dirty laundry and go to the cleaners. On the way, I passed the American Library, and on a whim went in to consult a book. The sight of a scruffy young man carrying a suitcase into a US building was enough to throw everyone into a panic. A burly French guard approached me and demanded to open my suitcase. Disturbed about airing my dirty linen in public, I used the magic phrase: “Vous n’avez pas le droit!”. After a hurried consultation, I was allowed to proceed unhindered.
The ‘Trottoirs’
While pavements in England are for pedestrians, and in the US for cars, in France they are for both. And certainly they are a bonus for motorcyclists on their ‘motos’, who will leave the highway at any sign of a slow-down, to continue on the footpath, unheedful of any danger to those pedestrians foolhardy enough to assume that they are the sole proprietors of the ‘trottoir’. But the king of the ‘trottoir’ is the dog. The French have no scruples about allowing their canine companions to use the trottoir as a vast linear lavatory. No shamefaced scurrying to the side of the road here; our French poodle will proudly fulfill his ‘devoirs’ in the middle of the footpath as and when the moment arrives. Thus, as one walks along this great city, the beauty of Paris must give way to the more urgent task of carefully scrutinizing the pavement lest one returns home with an unwelcome reminder of ones sightseeing perambulation.
The French and BSE
Nothing illustrates better the difference between the British and the French than their attitude to the BSE crisis. Of course, both peoples are united in not believing a word that passes their respective government’s lips, but the French government’s approach was rather more subtle. In the UK, our masters started off by assuring everyone that all meat was perfectly safe, even force-feeding their protesting daughters with hamburgers on television to ram home the point. Naturally this induced an immediate panic on the part of the British, with nobody wanting to go near a piece of meat, and a resultant crisis in the livestock industry. Having learnt their lesson, the government adopted the cunning stance of actually banning beef on the bone; at which point, of course, everyone went on a meat-eating rampage, with flamboyant beef-on-bone parties hosted by various royals. The beef industry was saved.
At the start of their BSE crisis, the French government, on the other hand, announced that not only was all meat absolutely lethal, but this applied to salmon and poultry too. Thus reassured, the Frenchman continued to consume his biftek and frites as before with a clear conscience, and nobody was the worse off.
A new form of transport..
The eccentric multimillionaire inventor Dean Kamen is reported to be about to reveal a revolutionary new form of individual transport, which is reckoned to be the greatest innovation since Clive Sinclair’s C5 of the eighties.
Well, I reckon I am ahead of him there. In Paris I have discovered a form of transport which is non-polluting, does not depend on the vagaries of the bus or the metro, is not affected by leaves on the rails, and utterly disregards traffic congestion. Furthermore, it is instantly available, and there are no parking problems at the end of the journey, and it is only slightly weather-sensitive. The cost is minimal; shoes have to be repaired or purchased at regular intervals. I refer of course to the oldest means of transport of all, walking.
Paris is a city whose beauty can only be appreciated on foot. The Seine and its bridges, Notre Dame and its gargoyles, the street markets, the parks. The list is endless, and all within walking distance, unlike London, whose periphérique – the M25 – has a circumference which is itself half the distance between London and Paris.
Paris is a city which, like Manhattan, it is still possible to traverse on foot from North to South, or from East to West. Walking, the most reliable form of transport. I’m thinking of taking out a patent.
The French and Health
It is said that a Frenchman travels with two suitcases, one for his clothes and the second for his medicines. Factually the national spend on prescription drugs is very high in France; it remains to be proved that the Frenchman is healthier for it, although he is, to a man, a card-carrying hypochondriac.
The French Health Service regularly invites every French adult to attend a full check-up. As I never turn down anything free, I went along. It turned out to be dramatically exhaustive; ECG, chest x-ray, Blood Pressure, vision, hearing, teeth, a thorough top-to-toe oscultation. And that was only the first day. A further visit is devoted to tests necessitating a period of preparation before various bodily fluids are extracted. Before I turned up, I filled in a questionnaire in which I gave myself 8/10 for fitness - well, I thought 9/10 would sound like boasting. By the end of the first day (teeth bad, eyes bad, ears bad,.....) I felt that 3/10 would have been an over-optimistic appraisal.
The French Medical system has turned me from a happy ignoramus into an unhappy if wiser man. But still no healthier.
French Letter 1
Prologue
I wrote these thoughts while spending an academic year Sabbatical in Paris in 2000, substantiating the view that academics have a jammy life. However, the strains of living away from the warm embraces of Watford are not to be underestimated, and I penned this as a grim warning to my fellow countrymen who might be tempted to follow me.
News
What one misses most of all is the News. The French are a trivial people, caring only about the sort of things we British should best avoid, mainly pleasure. Thus while the newspapers in the UK have circulations in the millions, here the papers are read only by a handful of intellectuals, presumably too poor to afford TV sets. And while France is traversing a crisis, the Euro is falling disasterously[1], French beef can not under any circumstances be eaten [2], the main items of news last week were
(1)The appearance of the latest Harry Potter book (pronounced ‘Arree Pottaire’)
(2)The latest Disney Dinosaur film, and
(3)The forthcoming elections in Israel. (Well, that is news everywhere).
The French are convinced, possibly not without reason, that changes of government, natural disasters, wars, nothing can possibly change the French way of life. The baguette must still be purchased twice a day to ensure freshness, wine must be chosen with as much care as one's next mistress, and traffic lights are a suggestion, nothing more.
Ramadan
France is of course one of the two great European Muslim countries, the other being England, and the advent of Ramadan affects one’s daily life noticeably. For example, it is the best time to invite one’s Muslim friends out to Lunch, as they are obliged to refrain from eating, drinking and sexual intercourse; at least, during the hours of daylight. Undoubtedly they make good any shortfalls as soon as the sun sets. Nevertheless, it is pleasant to be able to eat in the University Restaurant without having to form a queue, or to offer the delivery boy a drink in lieu of a tip, without risking that the offer be taken up.
Restaurants
You may have learnt at school that restaurants are establishments where the French go to eat. Nothing could be further from the truth. One goes to a fashionable restaurant to be seen, to a secluded one to seduce, to the local bistrot to play cards with ones friends, but – above all – the French go to restaurants in Paris to smoke [3]. As soon as they are shown to their table, the diners place their packets of Gauloises and briquets firmly on the table, light up before the first course, puff feverishly between courses, and if the food is not up to scratch – but how can they tell? – during courses. However, for the non-smoker all is not lost. Restaurants are obliged by law to set aside a non-smoking area for those eccentric diners who do not appreciate the real purpose of the French restaurant, There they can sulk, subject to the disdain of their more hardy fellow-diners, and encircled by the fumes they exhale.
The Law
It is said that you can divide countries into categories according to how the law is applied: in a liberal democracy everything is permitted unless it is explicitly forbidden. In a totalitarian regime, everything is forbidden, even if it is permitted. In France, everything is permitted, even if it is forbidden. Beware of traversing a pedestrian crossing when the Little Man is green; the macho French driver will take this as a direct challenge, with grim consequences for the less fleet of foot. The attitude is best summed up by the small Parisian schoolboy of surely no more than nine, satchel on back, who asked me why I had walked to the back of the bus to get off, when I was riding in the front. I told him “Because it is forbidden to descend by the front door”. He shrugged his shoulders. “ Pouf, it is forbidden. But everybody does it." This approach smoothes the daily life of your average Parisian Motorist to a point the law-abiding English can only dream of. Missed your turning? No problem, go back up this one-way street – backwards, if it happens to be arrowed the wrong way. Parking difficult? Not while there is space on the pavement. No metro ticket? Just a small hop over the turnstile, nobody minds.
Watford will take some getting used to when, or rather, if I return.
Paris, 1 December 2000.
NOTES
[1] The Euro has appreciated in spades since 2000!
[2] This was the Mad Cow Crisis of 2000.
[3] Who would have dreamed in those days that the French would ban smoking in January 2008?
I wrote these thoughts while spending an academic year Sabbatical in Paris in 2000, substantiating the view that academics have a jammy life. However, the strains of living away from the warm embraces of Watford are not to be underestimated, and I penned this as a grim warning to my fellow countrymen who might be tempted to follow me.
News
What one misses most of all is the News. The French are a trivial people, caring only about the sort of things we British should best avoid, mainly pleasure. Thus while the newspapers in the UK have circulations in the millions, here the papers are read only by a handful of intellectuals, presumably too poor to afford TV sets. And while France is traversing a crisis, the Euro is falling disasterously[1], French beef can not under any circumstances be eaten [2], the main items of news last week were
(1)The appearance of the latest Harry Potter book (pronounced ‘Arree Pottaire’)
(2)The latest Disney Dinosaur film, and
(3)The forthcoming elections in Israel. (Well, that is news everywhere).
The French are convinced, possibly not without reason, that changes of government, natural disasters, wars, nothing can possibly change the French way of life. The baguette must still be purchased twice a day to ensure freshness, wine must be chosen with as much care as one's next mistress, and traffic lights are a suggestion, nothing more.
Ramadan
France is of course one of the two great European Muslim countries, the other being England, and the advent of Ramadan affects one’s daily life noticeably. For example, it is the best time to invite one’s Muslim friends out to Lunch, as they are obliged to refrain from eating, drinking and sexual intercourse; at least, during the hours of daylight. Undoubtedly they make good any shortfalls as soon as the sun sets. Nevertheless, it is pleasant to be able to eat in the University Restaurant without having to form a queue, or to offer the delivery boy a drink in lieu of a tip, without risking that the offer be taken up.
Restaurants
You may have learnt at school that restaurants are establishments where the French go to eat. Nothing could be further from the truth. One goes to a fashionable restaurant to be seen, to a secluded one to seduce, to the local bistrot to play cards with ones friends, but – above all – the French go to restaurants in Paris to smoke [3]. As soon as they are shown to their table, the diners place their packets of Gauloises and briquets firmly on the table, light up before the first course, puff feverishly between courses, and if the food is not up to scratch – but how can they tell? – during courses. However, for the non-smoker all is not lost. Restaurants are obliged by law to set aside a non-smoking area for those eccentric diners who do not appreciate the real purpose of the French restaurant, There they can sulk, subject to the disdain of their more hardy fellow-diners, and encircled by the fumes they exhale.
The Law
It is said that you can divide countries into categories according to how the law is applied: in a liberal democracy everything is permitted unless it is explicitly forbidden. In a totalitarian regime, everything is forbidden, even if it is permitted. In France, everything is permitted, even if it is forbidden. Beware of traversing a pedestrian crossing when the Little Man is green; the macho French driver will take this as a direct challenge, with grim consequences for the less fleet of foot. The attitude is best summed up by the small Parisian schoolboy of surely no more than nine, satchel on back, who asked me why I had walked to the back of the bus to get off, when I was riding in the front. I told him “Because it is forbidden to descend by the front door”. He shrugged his shoulders. “ Pouf, it is forbidden. But everybody does it." This approach smoothes the daily life of your average Parisian Motorist to a point the law-abiding English can only dream of. Missed your turning? No problem, go back up this one-way street – backwards, if it happens to be arrowed the wrong way. Parking difficult? Not while there is space on the pavement. No metro ticket? Just a small hop over the turnstile, nobody minds.
Watford will take some getting used to when, or rather, if I return.
Paris, 1 December 2000.
NOTES
[1] The Euro has appreciated in spades since 2000!
[2] This was the Mad Cow Crisis of 2000.
[3] Who would have dreamed in those days that the French would ban smoking in January 2008?
Jewish Life in France
As a British Jew who spends a lot of time in France, I have been very surprised to see old canards in the form of emails recirculating, mostly emanating from the United States, concerning the sorry lot of Jews residing in France. Apart from Israel, I have never felt any country more congenial to live in as a Jew than France. Of course, much of this is subjective, and it is undoubtedly true that France is also home to the largest Muslim population of Europe [1], many of whose youngsters feel discriminated against and who adopt hostile attitudes towards their Christian and Jewish fellow-citizens. It should also be noted that France boasts the largest Jewish population in Western Europe [1] .
But what country other than France would have elected as President someone who, even before the election, loudly proclaimed his Jewish roots? (Three major contenders for nomination as their party’s presidential candidate in the last election – Nicolas Sarkozy, Dominique Strauss-Kahn and Laurent Fabius – were Jewish or half-Jewish.) Certainly this could not happen in the United States; there never has been, and I believe never will be in our lifetime, a Jewish President of the United States, nor indeed a Jewish Prime Minister of England (Disraeli was a Christian by conversion). On the other hand, the Prime Ministers and Presidents of France can count several Jews among their ranks (one of whom, Leon Blum, was elected Prime Minister THREE times) [2] not counting those only of Jewish origin like the present President Sarkozy. And let us not forget the only Jewish Cardinal, Lustiger, born Jewish and died Jewish[3].
In fact, Napoleon was the first leader in Europe to grant liberty, equality and fraternity to all religions. including the Jews, declaring France to be the "homeland of the Jews". To their credit, the French have admitted and faced up to their atrocious behaviour - like that of nearly all of Europe - during the Second World War. Numerous expositions in the various arrondisements in Paris regularly retell the stories of the deportation of French Jews. Since the time of Napoleon, apart from this terrible Vichy period, the Jewish status and institutions in France have been strongly supported by the otherwise strongly secular French Government.
Thus it was no great surprise to see the 900th anniversary of Rashi celebrated by a standard French postage stamp. I do not recall any such celebrated Jewish scholar on a US stamp. The French media adopt a far more balanced attitude towards Israel than does, for example, the US-based CNN. And when I want to see an Israeli film, I merely walk to my nearest cinema; the French are great cinema-goers, and Israeli films are very popular here.
There is not nearly as much indigenous anti-Semitism in France as there is in the United States. Hate groups, such as the US-based National Socialist Movement (and many others - see http://judaism.about.com/od/americanjewry/a/am_nazis.htm
for a listing) would receive short shrift in France. Even Le Pen's Front National is a very mild relation of the British National Front, xenophobic but with a pro-Israel platform. For some time hate-preaching Imams have been summarily deported from France, an action taken only recently, long overdue, by the UK government.
The French equivalents of Jimmy Carter, and Walt and Mearsheimer, are thankfully few and far between. Jewish philosophers such as Bernard-Henri Levy and Alain Finkielkraut are omni-present pundits on French TV , while the Paris-based Jewish radio station Radio J is considered an authoritative source for the general media (other French cities also have their own Jewish radio stations – I do not know of any in the UK). A venerable weekly Jewish slot on mainstream television (Channel 2 TV) features such items as talmudic discussions from Adin Steinsaltz and other luminaries (a series undreamt of in the UK).
Paris abounds with Kosher restaurants; London with a slightly smaller Jewish population[4] has proportionately very many fewer. Synagogues are plentiful – look at the metro map for the Stars of David.
All in all, France may not be Israel, but it's the next best thing, and the cuisine is better.
__________________________________________NOTES
[1] Muslim population estimated at 6-8 million; Jewish population 750,000.
[2] Alexandre Millerand (president 1920–4), Léon Blum (Prime Minister 1936-7, 1938, 1946-7),Pierre Mendès-France (Prime Minister, 1954-5), Laurent Fabius (Prime Minister, 1984-6)
[3] He requested that Kaddish be recited at his funeral.
[4] London estimated to have approx. 200,000 Jews, Paris 300,000
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